O’Scanlon Sees Light on Red Light Cameras!

Little Silver, April 1- Asm  Declan O’Scanlon (R-13) today announced that he had an epiphany early  Easter Sunday morning – now sees light regarding the true reason for supposed  highway safety rules and regulations!

“I  can’t believe how long I’ve been so misguided and naive!” said O’Scanlon.   “All this time just not getting it!  It’s all about the money!   Huge piles of money for local officials to spend in their budgets, more  piles of money for campaigns of compliant state elected officials and truckloads  of the stuff for lobbyists!  Hell, in at least one instance we have actual  “gifts” given by a camera company to officials running a program”.

“I  just never visualized the potential.  I was always focused on the fact that  our traffic laws and enforcement methods should be justified by sound  engineering and focused on actually increasing safety.  What an idiot! Now  though, unburdened by the shackles of actually caring about any of those  irrelevant concerns, I see the true potential of the tools we have at our  disposal.”

O’Scanlon  invited legislators to join him in not only abandoning the effort to end the red  light camera program or – even make it more fair to motorists – and actually go  the other direction.  O’Scanlon’s new plan calls for cameras at every light  at every intersection.  He goes further and calls or the installation of  new traffic lights at EVERY intersection.   “Imagine the revenue  potential!” he exclaimed. “But we can do even more!  Part of my legislation  will eliminate yellow lights all together.  Every single time a light  change we’ll nail a few unsuspecting suckers – kind of like now except we’ll  nail even more!  Another section of the legislation will mandate that every  motorist come to a full stop every 100 feet.  We’ll tell them it’s for  “safety”, really!”

Other  sections of O’Scanlon’s legislation would lower speed limits to 15 mph.   “People won’t be able to leave their driveways without breaking the law.   Think of the $ we’ll make!!!” said O’Scanlon. “The entire, brilliant  package will be called the Road Improvement Program to Promote Outstanding  Freeway Focus – RIPPOFF, for short!  I have probably just begun to scratch  the surface here” conceded O’Scanlon.  “I am sure over the next few weeks  and months we’ll come up with even more ways to attack out constituents  innocently driving to work or to their kids schools or music lessons.  This  program will be like a vacuum of their hard earned money.  And we have the  pioneering red light camera program to thank for starting us down this  path!”

And  happy April 1, everyone.
Posted: April 2nd, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: April Fools, Declan O'Scanlon, Humour, Press Release | Tags: , , | Comments Off on O’Scanlon Sees Light on Red Light Cameras!

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