Nancy Pelosi: An American treasure

By Stuart J. Moskovitz

By now most people are aware that Jonathan Gruber has stated on several occasions over the last few years that in order to pass Obamacare, it was necessarily to 1. Lie to Congress and the American people, and 2. Depend on the “stupidity” of the American voter to accept this health care act.

Nancy Pelosi, the representative from Pacific Heights, and currently the second scariest resident of Pacific Heights, second only to Jim Belushi’s character in the movie of the same name, claims that she has no idea what he is talking about, because she never met him and has no idea who he is. As the major force behind the passage of Obamacare in the House, even more than Frank Pallone, who declared as “lousy” every insurance policy purchased by Americans prior to Obamacare, including those policies covering procedures no longer covered by Obamacare, and costing far less than Obamacare, Nancy Pelosi’s statement would carry considerable weight. If this were still 1995. Today, of course, we have social media recording just about everything said by anyone in public view. This includes the speech by Nancy Pelosi in 2009 when she assured everyone that Obamacare was a perfect health plan because it was carefully written by Jonathan Gruber of MIT, the person who she claims now did not write the plan and whom she had never heard of.

This leaves us with only two conclusions. Either Nancy Pelosi has been possessed by aliens and is not the same Nancy Pelosi who met with Jonathan Gruber and praised him in 2009, or, at the tender age of 74, she is simply no longer in compos mentis. I guess the third choice would be that she is simply a pathological liar.

Not sure which of these applies to her, I undertook to interview her and recorded this transcript of the interview:

Q. Good morning, Representative Pelosi, how are you?
A. I don’t know if it is a good morning. I won’t know until later. We have to live through the morning to see if it is a good one or not. And I’m being interviewed by a Republican, so that’s not a good sign right there.

Q. Representative Pelosi, many people are wondering based on your statements of the last six years, whether at the tender age of 74, you are still equipped for this position. How do you respond to that.
A. That’s silly Tea Party propaganda. I am not 74.
Q. Not to quibble, but weren’t you born in 1940?
A. How would you know that? Have you seen my birth certificate? I know you Republicans like to go about getting birth certificates, but I don’t believe you’ve seen mine.
Q. That’s true, ma’am. But your own website says you were born in 1940.
A. I don’t read my website and I am certainly not responsible for whatever anyone with access to the website may choose to put on the website.
Q. How old, then, do you believe you are?
A. I’m not old, at all. That’s a deceptive statement on your part. Frankly, I don’t know my age. I wasn’t paying attention when I was born and am simply taking my parents’ word for it.

Q. Let’s move on then, madam. When you were at Trinity Washington University, did you take any political science classes?
A. Why do you assume I went to Trinity Washington University?
Q. Again, this information appears in your own biography.
A. Well, I may have attended, but I am certainly not responsible for all of the courses offered there, the curriculum, or the other students.
Q. We are not suggesting otherwise Ms. Pelosi. I was merely laying the foundation that you went there.
A. Well, I don’t like foundations. I don’t like them in interviews and I don’t like them in legislation, so let’s move on.

Q. Fine. If there is a single individual other than the President who has received the most scorn over Obamacare, it is Kathleen Sebelius. Do you know Kathleen Sebelius?
A. I didn’t appoint her, the President did. How would I know her? I’ve never heard the name.
Q. Mrs. Pelosi, didn’t she attend Trinity Washington University just like you?
A. Ha. Typical Republican. You have no grasp of the facts. She went to the University of Kansas.
Q. Well, I’m impressed that you know where someone you never heard of went to school, but she went to the University of Kansas for graduate school. She graduated from Trinity Washington University for undergraduate work just like you. Were you the reason this singularly inept person was appointed to head the health and human services division?
A. How could I be. I told you I’ve never heard of her. Republicans just never listen.

Q. Mrs. Pelosi, did you have anything to do with the appointment of Cathleen Black?
A. Who? Is this another fake person like Jonathan Gruber?
Q. I believe Mr. Gruber is very real, Mrs. Pelosi. Cathleen Black, a fellow alumna of Trinity Washington University was appointed as New York City School Chancellor, a position in which she served for 95 days until she was forced out because she did not possess the education administration experience required by New York State’s Education Department.
A. Well, don’t you think it made sense to appoint her to see if she was qualified?

Q. Ms. Pelosi, one final question. Now that the Republicans are in control of both houses of Congress, how do you envision your role in the House of Representatives.
A. Why do you assume the Republicans are in control?
Q. Well, they won the midterm elections, expanding their control of the House and gaining control of the Senate.
A. So? Why would that matter? You Republicans are so hung up on trivial details. I intend to continue assuring that Barack Obama does whatever he wants to do. He is our king, after all.
Q. You mean President, don’t you?
A. Sure, whatever makes you feel better.

Posted: November 14th, 2014 | Author: admin | Filed under: Congress, Frank Pallone, Nancy Pelosi, Opinion, Satire | Tags: House of Representatives, Jonathan Gruber, Nancy Pelosi, Satire, Stuart J. Moskovitz | 6 Comments »

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