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Seagull rips off man’s testicle as he sunbathes nude

The Suffolk Gazzette is reporting that a seagull swooped from the sky and with one bite of its beak ripped away the right testicle of a UK man who was sunbathing nude in his backyard.

“He woke screaming in agony, and saw the bird flying away with one of his ‘crown jewels’ wedged in its yellow beak,” the English news outlet reported.

My friends at Gunnison Beach and at certain back yards throughout Monmouth County should take precautions.

Manscaping might be a good idea.

A spokesperson for Seagull Watch International speculated that the seagull mistook the man’s testicles for eggs in a nest.

“Eggs are full of protein – it’s why we eat them, after all. Gulls will often steal other birds’ eggs, so it is unfortunate for this man that his private parts resembled a couple of eggs in a nest.”

The man still has one functioning testicle and will be able to father children, according to the report.

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Posted: August 15th, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: Humour, Monmouth County News | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

4 Comments on “Seagull rips off man’s testicle as he sunbathes nude”

  1. TheDigger said at 9:37 am on August 15th, 2017:

    Ouch! (in a high pitched voice)

  2. BroadwayBill said at 1:47 pm on August 15th, 2017:

    Come on now Art – it won’t be the same there without you!

  3. Kathleen Baratta said at 2:23 pm on August 15th, 2017:

    This is from a British site and they are known for their ‘cheeky’ humor. I have a feeling this is their version of, “The Onion.”

    Very rarely do news sites feature a:

    “CLICK HERE TO SUPPORT THE SUFFOLK GAZETTE BEER FUND!”

  4. Jeremy B. said at 9:02 pm on August 15th, 2017:

    Good news is, the guy is English. Probably didn’t know they were there to begin with.