Pressure Cooker Ban is Overdue

It’s Time to Free America from the Scourge of Kitchen Appliance Violence

By Matt Rooney, SaveJersey.com

photo/graphic: floppingaces.net

photo/graphic: floppingaces.net

Some folks out there on the Left are really complaining up a storm today, Save Jerseyans, over what the New Jersey State Senate’s gun control package does not include.

I’m a little miffed, too.

Vile firearms are only part of the problem. I want to know when our politicians will step up and restrict ownership of multiple pressure cookers? The evil, senseless implements of destruction reportedly used in last week’s Boston Marathon bombings.

For the record, I don’t accept the contrived right wing argument that anyone and everyone has a constitutional right to purchase a kitchen appliance no-strings-attached. Sure, the Founding Fathers did significantly limit the government’s right to restrict private property ownership and commerce in the U.S. Constitution, but did the framers ever contemplate a microwave? Or automatic cake mixer? Or pressure cooker? It’s hard to argue that they intended to protect our right to own something so dangerous and technologically advanced that didn’t even exist in their own time!

Butter churners? Sure. And butter churning has the added benefit of combating childhood obesity and reducing the user’s carbon footprint

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Posted: April 26th, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Humour | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments »

2 Comments on “Pressure Cooker Ban is Overdue”

  1. Actually said at 10:51 pm on April 26th, 2013:

    We need universal background checks on everyone buying a pressure cooker at Walmart.


    Silence Dogood, Redux

  2. TheDigger said at 12:29 pm on April 27th, 2013:

    First step: Anyone currently owning such a device (a weapon of mass destruction) must register with the local police department.

    Second step: A thorough background check must be completed on each such individual owning this potential weapon of mass destruction.

    Third step: Until the background checks are completed, all such devices must be confiscated by the government.

    Fourth step: Any such device made of aluminum must be destroyed immediately for the health and safety of the immediate family. Only stainless steel devices will be allowed.

    Fifth step: Anyone owning or seeking to purchase such a device must obtain a state issued permit card with photo. The cost should be set at a mere $1,500.00 per permit.

    Sixth step: All sales and purchases must be strictly regulated through state and local governments; a complete registry of all such transactions must be kept by the seller and also electronically filed with the state and national governments (Homeland Security, Health, and EPA). Exceptions will be allowed only for transfer of such devices between family members such as brothers.

    There is NO constitutional right to own such a device as a weapon of mass destruction.

    Never let a good crisis go to waste!

    (With prayers for all those families who suffered injuries and loss of loved ones in Boston.)