#1. The craziest f*er at the table ALWAYS wins, if you’re not him, don’t start the negotiating.

#2. Have a f*ing plan. Make sure the plan encompasses more than the previous five minutes and the next five minutes. The plan has to work even if it’s obvious and exposed to your opponent, otherwise it will not work.

#3. NEVER admit defeat. Even when you are defeated. No one likes a loser, and everyone hates a self-professed loser.

#4. Make sure your team knows the plan and knows they will personally be hurt if the strategy is not followed.

#5. Don’t allow crackpots and loners to steal the show. Humiliate them into submission then humiliate them more.

#6. When your opponent is self-destructing stay silent.

#7. NEVER doubt your victory, never talk about defeat, even in the face of certain defeat. There is no consultation for those who predict their own defeat.

#8. Communicate immediately, tirelessly and without ceasing to everyone.

#9. Feed the beast (news outlets) with stories of how your opponent is making everyone miserable and is killing women and children. Positive stories don’t move anyone, EVER!

#10. If you’re not the craziest f*er at the table, DON’T START THE NEGOTIATING AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO BE THAT PERSON.

 

Publisher’s note: Wondering the relevance of Dan’s column to current political events? Read this piece, How Reid and Obama disarmed Boehner, and how to solve the problem, by Dan Calabrese at Best of Cain.com