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Happiness Is A Right Wing Conspiracy

By Art Gallagher

You’ve probably used and heard the word “happy” more in the last few days than you have all year. How many “Happy Thanksgiving” greetings have you given and received?  We’ve entered happy season. 

For the rest of the year, and for a few days into next year “happy” will replace “nice” as in “Have a nice day” as our standard hello and good-bye greeting.  Really happy people will allow themselves to say and hear “merry.” People who are not so happy will be offended when they hear the “merry” phrase. Those who are moderately happy won’t be offended by hearing merry, unless there is someone else within ear shot that is offended by it. If two or more people who want to say merry but are concerned about offending each other if the say it discover that  none of them are offended by merry, they will be happy and jolly, momentarily.

After January 4, you must go back to saying “nice”, unless you’re addressing someone on or about the anniversary of their birth or marriage.  Then you can say “happy”, but not “merry.”  “Merry” is reserved for the truly happy and only to be used after the 4th Thursday in November.

Why do I say “merry” is reserved for the truly happy?  Only a conservative would unapologetically say the merry phrase without concern for PC BS.  As Dennis Prager points out in his column, Why Unhappy People Become Liberals, in the National Review Online, conservatives are happy and liberals are not.

Prager identifies four reasons for this phenomena.

  • 1) Liberals view society as out to hurt people. Prager uses racism as an example.

“Take black Americans, for example. It makes perfect sense that a black American who is essentially happy is going to be less attracted to the Left. Anyone who has interacted with black conservatives rarely encounters an angry, unhappy person.

Why?

Because the liberal view on race is that America is a racist society. Therefore, for all intents and purposes, a black American must abandon liberalism in order to be a happy individual. It is very hard, if not impossible, to be a happy person while believing that society is out to hurt you. So, the unhappy black person will gravitate to liberalism and liberalism will in turn make him more unhappy by reinforcing his view that he is a victim.”

  • 2) Life is hard.

“The unhappy gravitate toward the Left for a second reason. Life is hard for liberals and life is hard for conservatives. But conservatives assume that life will always be hard. Liberals, on the other hand, have utopian dreams. At his brother Robert’s funeral, the late Sen. Edward M. Kennedy recalled his brother saying: “Some men see things as they are and say, ‘Why?’ I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?'”

Utopians will always be less happy than those who know that suffering is inherent to human existence. The utopian compares America to utopia and finds it terribly wanting. The conservative compares America to every other civilization that has ever existed and walks around wondering how he got so lucky as to be born or naturalized an American”

  • 3) Conservatism demands self-reliance, which makes one happy.

“Imagine two Americans living in essentially identical socioeconomic conditions. They earn $45,000 a year, they have the same amount of debt on their homes, and both have the same number of dependents. One seeks governmental assistance wherever possible; the other eschews any governmental help. Which one is likely to be the liberal and which one is likely to be the happier individual?

This is not a question only an oracle can answer. The one who yearns for governmental help is the one who is likely to be both liberal and less happy. Conservatism, which demands self-reliance, makes one happier. The more a man or woman feels like captain of his or her ship (as poor as that ship may be), the happier he or she will be.”

  • 4) Liberals are governed by their feelings. Conservatives know that behavior, not feelings, is what matters and that to be truly happy, one must govern their feelings.

“A fourth explanation for greater unhappiness among liberals is that the more people allow feelings to govern them, the less happy they will be. And the further left one goes, the more importance one attaches to feelings.

It is liberal educators and liberal parents who have clamored for protecting young people from the pain of losing games. The liberal world came up with the idea of giving trophies to kids who lose; they don’t want their children feeling bad. Conservatives, on the other hand, teach their kids how to lose well. They are less worried about their children feeling bad.

Those who know that feelings must not govern us, but that we must govern our feelings, are far more likely to be happy people.”

Prager concludes that given his thesis, defeating the Left is amazingly simple.

There is an amazingly simple way to defeat the Left: Raise children who are grateful to be American, who don’t complain, who can handle losing, and who are guided by values, not feelings. In other words, teach them how to be happy adults.

Prager’s right, but his solution will take a least a generation.

In the meantime, encourage all people to be happy and merry. This is the perfect time of year to do it. The Lefties won’t even notice.

Posted: November 26th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Dennis Prager | Tags: , | 4 Comments »